After all, people - the paradox being.
If you shout out loud A- AAA in the library, then people are just puzzled.
look. And if you do the same thing in an airplane, then join.
The chief summoned his secretary:.
- Angelica, swallow, need to retype this letter and fax.
Look at what you wrote! . This rascal,.
rascal!.
- Well, I will correct all the flash. What should be written?.
- ' Dear Colleague '.
Two bats hang upside down. One asks the other:.
- What was the worst day in your life?.
- When I started diarrhea.
Why is April 12 drunken astronauts did not hit the tent and bathed in.
Fountain in Gorky Park?.
MOSCOW, August 18. / PRIME- TASS /. chairman.
Central Bank of Russia Gerashchenko awarded.
'For Merit ' third degree.
The document notes that in. Gerashchenko awarded this.
Award ' for his great personal contribution to the development of the Russian banking.
system '.
Sum of contribution not specified.
- Well, my daughters, I'm going to the far edge of the. What to bring to you?.
- Dad, can somehow less pathetic for bread to go?.
He wanted to jump for joy, but on his shoulders the coffin lay a heavy.
with her mother.
One man on a rural road and landed in a ditch. Sam got out and walked.
seek help to get the car. In one yard, he met a farmer.
and the farmer said that the car pull a horse. Secured rope, and the farmer.
cried out:.
- Bring, Burke, bring!.
The horse did not step, stand, without stirring.
- Bring, Bucephalus, bring!.
Again, no reaction loschadinoy.
- Bring, asterisk, bring!.
Konyaga worth ears spinning.
- Bring, Sivka, bring!.
And Sivka easily pulled the car out of the ditch. The man asked the farmer:.
- Why do you call three times your horse's other names, while.
did not mention his name?.
- You know, Sivka blind, and if he knows that he alone should be.
drag, would not budge!.
Sitting in a cafe three exemplary Catholic, ceremoniously drink coffee, talk on the.
charitable threads. Here is one, and says:.
- But my son is - is the pastor. Worshipers turn to him ' the holy.
father '.
Another she replied:.
- Just think, my son has recently become a cardinal. Parishioners to it.
turn ' Your Eminence '!.
A third modestly silent. Two other maliciously:.
- And you, my sister, I suppose, and have nothing to boast?.
She sighed in response:.
- What can I say. My son - a handsome six-foot muscular.
blonde, striptease dancer. So, when he appears on stage, all.
female chorus exhale, 'Oh, God!. '.
In order to meet the needs of U.S. and European markets, China has established.
release of t-shirts with the words 'Free Tibet'.
At the end of the feast experienced cloth on the ground itself was transformed into a sheet.
Give peasant one fish - and he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish - and you will be free from it all weekend.
In Russia the word 'drink' answers to all questions: what, why, what to do.
army. Story recruits. Ensign asks the newcomers:.
Ensign: Surname, education?.
Private: Sidorov, seven classes!.
Ensign: Maladtsa, Sidorov! .
Private: Rabinovich, MSU.
Ensign: What's that??.
Private: State University....
Ensign: Well, what are you mychish, writing, then at least you know how?.
The little boy had witnessed parental quarrels. After the scandal, he.
suited to the tear-stained mother:.
- Mom, how old are you already married?.
- Six years old, son.
- How much more do you have?.
- Hello, this is a psychiatric hospital?.
- Yes.
- I stole a car, help find the thief.
- It's not for us to call the police.
- You know, stole Zaporozhets '86 release.
Not long worked in the West Ala E. , Klyunuvshaya to a newspaper ad.
on the recruitment of girls in dishwasher. What, then, was her outrage when.
after crossing the border it is not selected, as usual, passport and.
have not sold it to a foreign brothel, but actually brought to the restaurant.
and forced to wash the dirty dishes!.
What happens if the transfer car problems and malfunctions in the simple.
rights, and to make FAQ on this subject:.
Q. In the summer I went to the flip-flops, and everything was fine, but the fall in.
woolen socks, and winter in the snow - it is not convenient, slippery, fall. It is possible and.
continue to walk in flip-flops, or rather to the left ( jog ), leg.
wear boots?.
Q. When I cough, mouth pieces fly out of the lungs and blood, and all -.
black. I can still walk well, or better see a doctor?.
Q. I am 23 years old, weight 69 kg. When I run, I develop speed.
22 km / h. Faster does not work. If you insert a cotton filter into the nose, I.
will run faster?.
Q. Yesterday fell, broke his leg. open fracture. If so walking down the street -.
I'll stop the police, or you can walk or so?.
Q. I usually eat three times a day, but yesterday only had breakfast and went.
Wander around the city on foot. After going 52 kilometers I felt sick and I fell, and.
the beginning of something in your stomach growl. This is my meal was over? .
Q. All my friends take a shower every day, and I was too lazy - sorry, and water,.
loofah and soap. Just do not say that it is not normal - it is only.
bourgeoisie in the shower every day, go!.
Q. I have night blindness, after sunset, I do not see anything. but all.
the other, they see? .
They offend me?.
Q. Where better to spend the night? .
guard the entrance ) or at home? .
Q. Nada sdelat sloshnuyu aperatsiyu pazvanochnike maemu to a friend (he is 16.
years). Go to the doctors to go - the road. A book on surgery, we have already bought. In RAID.
have experience - podilites!.
Few people know, but yesterday, for a flight to Zurich, prepared not only to the side.
Prime Minister (in case of victory of Russia's bid for World Cup 2018), but.
strategic bomber.
Man pulled his friend into the family of the deaf. Well, sitting in the kitchen, drink, snack. Suddenly, a deaf-mute wife gets her tits and bang on the table.
Deaf-mute jumped, ran into the next room, dragged wife's mother, raped her, he took an umbrella and stood under the shower. The man quietly.
) ( ueet and asks the other:.
- What is it?.
- A personal. She tells him - ' Go for milk. ' And he told her -' E.
My wife - her husband:.
- Yesterday, I saw you coming out of beer!.
- What can you do, I can not live there!.
I walked down the street - great weather, the mood is just perfect. Oh! .
Slipped, falling into a puddle. All around happy, laughing, you bastards. !.
- Honey, delicious cake!.
- The store bought.
- And the very same ispechesh?.
- Of what? .
The phone call with a request of a parent in their.
no, my boy, the son of a lawyer father- and mother - coroner, said:.
- They are not at home.
- And where are they?.
- Dad in jail, and my mother in the morgue.
- From the hostel to have disappeared all cats. These are the pies.
They agreed on the Kulikov field two armies. Came forward two heroes - Relight and Chelubey, and began to beat. He hit her with a club Chelubey.
Busurmanskaya heavy mace, struck a terrible blow to the Russian hero: Peresvet legs went on knee-deep in the land of cheese. But he persevered and hit Relight a club. Then came the knee leg Chelubey.... in the ass. Do not accepted Russian land legs Tatar.
At the Faculty of Journalism:.
- One example of the correct story about the one and the same may serve this news: ... There is no difference, the thing is in what you're publishing....
The playwright shows off a friend:.
- And when the curtain fell, the whole audience burst into applause.
- And what was painted on the curtain?.
The personnel department.
- Well, my dear. I must say that your level of.
training, in your desire to work with your.
ambitions, you will go far! .
Sometimes they say - ' here in the good old days. ... So we live in the good old days.
The actor, who plays Richard, shouting:.
- A horse! .
Came a voice from the gallery:.
- A donkey suit?.
- Come down and ass, my friend! .
Three economists went out hunting. Seeing a wild boar, the first economist fired.
and missed a meter to the right. The second shot missed, and a meter to the left.
The third saw it, did not shoot, and gleefully shouted:.
- Guys, on average, we shot him!.
Sitting at a table drinking expensive cognac Medvedev, Putin and Sobyanin.
Medvedev: After 40 years, Russia has become a great country with the richest.
the people of the world.
Sobyanin: Oh, sorry, that by the time we will no longer be.
Putin: No ' sorry ' and ' because '.
Cannibals build a fire to cook breakfast to their leader.
Today he should roast a beautiful blonde. Suddenly a servant resorts and shouts:.
- Stop! .
Prishel man in a sex shop.
- Girl, tell me, and she won an inflatable doll when she was done?.
The girl looks:.
- January 12, 2007.
- Clearly, Capricorn, is not suitable.
- Say, John, but when we found out yesterday that Britain would not accept the 2018 World Cup.
- This defeat?.
- I do not think Henry. Just a day before it occurred to me that.
to host the three Jews like Abramovich, now and for the next 10.
years - a far more meaningful than in 2018, two weeks, one thousand.
drunken idiots.
He promised to marry her when she won a million at the races. Since then, no walks on the run, so as not to run into trouble.
I have a feeling that the world is on its last legs. Everywhere reigns.
bribery and corruption....
Assyrian clay tablet 2800 BC. e.
Ment are two of the guards at the gay pride parade.
- I went yesterday to my daughter at graduation.
These graduates are now. Wow! .
- Quiet! .
' Why do not we cut the. ' Thought Ivan Susanin, unwittingly dooming.
themselves to eternal glory.
- B % № dv! .
- Yes, you just hate everything Russian!.
Parents come to visit the student in the dorm. In the early morning knock on the door of his room. Due to the door a sleepy voice:.
- Who else is there?.
- A Kohl Ivanov live here?.
- Here, here. You put him at the door, get dressed sha - he brought!.
Jewish Mother: Hello! .
Daughter: Hello Mom. Can I leave you kids for the night?.
M: You're with someone you meet?.
A: Yes.
M: Who?.
A: With a friend.
M: I do not understand why you left her husband. This is a good man.
A: I did not leave. He left me.
M: You do allow him to throw himself, and now you do not know with whom you walk.
A: I do not know with whom to walk. Can I leave the children?.
M: I never left you, so go with someone other than your father.
A: There are many things that you did not do as I do.
M: Are you hinting at?.
A: Not at that. I just want to know if I leave you kids for the night.
M: Do you want to stay with him at night? .
Q: My ex-husband! . Since that day, when he left me, he probably never slept alone. ! .
M: So you're gonna sleep with this loser?.
A: He's not a loser!.
M: A person who meets with a divorced woman with children - is a loser and a parasite!.
A: I do not want to argue. Will I be able to leave the children with you at night?.
M: Poor children have a mother.
Q: Do what ' this '?.
M: The fragile. Not surprisingly, her husband threw you.
A: ENOUGH! .
M: Do not shout at me! .
Q: Who do you care about is a loser?.
M: Yeah! . I immediately realized it.
A: Goodbye, Mom.
M. Wait a minute! .
D: I did not bring them! .
M: If you always sit at home, how do you hope to meet someone?.
Before marriage, girls must be carefully defined.
orientation and inclination of her future husband. For this purpose we have developed.
special test, which takes place in the winter.
Advance must be blind snowman, designate parts of the body,.
draw the eyes and mouth, to leave room for the nose, give a man a carrot and.
ask him to find her a place. The options include:.
- Carrot inserted in the ass - your partner fagot;.
- In the mouth - a gourmet;.
- In the ear - the doctor will most likely an ear -nose-throat;.
- In the chest - the killer;.
- In place of the term - the original;.
- In place of the nose - a bore!.
Russia to thank FIFA for their trust and hopes that.
Champion will also be selected CHM2018 vote!.
Head coach of Russian national football team in. In. Putin and his two main.
Assistant - Oil and Gas has finally brought the Russian team in the final.
part of the FIFA World Cup 2018. Three cheers! .
great treneramsmile.
As hosts, we reach for the World Cup without selection, while on.
Our entire team can be expected.
Growing up - this is when you walk in the cold without a hat and not feel.
steep, and the moron!.
The Economist - a person who does not know what he is talking, but can.
make you believe that it is - your fault.
- No, no, Max, - says the girl. - Not one kiss before the wedding!.
- Well. And you tell me when you marry?.
- I want to ask the hand of your daughter!.
- Oh, you sly one! .
My wife calls her husband at the resort:.
- Hello! .
- Do not worry, bought the shorts with the words ' I'm married '.
- ( Suspiciously ) And who are you going to show them?.
From such a heifer went to the chicken.
Want to feel Hmayak Hakobyan? .
quilt!.
- I wish I could have a daughter! .
- Do not complain that you do not have it. That's my girlfriend six daughters, and you.
know what it means for their father?.
- What you need to feed six mouths.
- No, twelve. You forgot about zyatyah!.
President Medvedev has instructed the Governor Tkachev within two weeks.
officials found guilty of Kushchevskaya tragedy.
' And maybe, just say - and a vacation? ...
governor.
